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                    "All Disney news fitted to print"

Volume 2 Number  8                                       August 94 Edition

In this issue...

FDC Column

The FDC is a group of people on .Rd that have dreams of working for the Disney company in some capacity or another. The FDC was founded to allow such people an opportunity to pretend that they work for the company that gave us Roger Rabbit, Splash Mountain, and Euro Disney. In recent months, most FDC applicants are character walk-arounds, an FDC occupation started by DIS' 'n' DAT's own contributing editor. These walk-arounds assume the role of their character quite literally in correspondence on .Rd .

In this column, DIS' 'n' DAT gives some more members of the FDC the opportunity to tell the readership of this newsletter just who they are and how they came to .Rd in the first place. Their responses, slightly edited, follow:

Margaret Gerberi recarts@gate.net
With a wonderful thought and a sprinkle of pixie dust, dreams can come true. Margaret, the FDC Tinkerbell, was a regular on the newsgroup since late last year, and elicited a tearful farewell from the group recently when she graduated and was about to lose her net connection. In typical Disney "happy ending" tradition, she managed to get a job at Walt Disney World (WDW), and has also found access back to the happiest newsgroup on earth. Margaret has been spreading FDC Pixie Dust on .Rd since last November, doing her best to keep the peace, with varying levels of success, she admits. She also tries to keep her Pixieguard (Geoff Thomas, interviewed in the April, 1994 issue) behaving himself - again, with varying levels of success - "Geoff/MC's impossible, no matter how you look at it... sorry GT, it's true!" She's also tried to be as helpful and informative as possible, particularly with WDW questions and people interested in the WDW College Program (WDWCP). The FDC Tinkerbell is a recent graduate of the University of Iowa, an Alum of the Summer '93 WDWCP, and is currently an enthused Front Desk Cast Member at the Grand Floridian Beach Resort at WDW. She enthuses that "Iowa is second only to Heaven, which is on par with Disney." She grew up in San Diego, CA, and Central Florida (Disney country, both of them) and says that her Disney addition/affection began with her first trip to Disneyland at the age of ten months and that she's been "Hooked" ever since. "[groan- "[Splash!- In Margaret's opinion, "there's nothing parallel, perpendicular, or otherwise that compares to the magic a `kid at heart' experiences while walking into the happiest place on earth or watching a Disney Animated Classic. Part of my choice to adopt Tinkerbell comes from the fact that _Peter Pan_ is the first Disney film I remember seeing (actually, the `first' was my first - but the only thing I remember from my first viewing of _Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs_ is a very intimidating cutout of the Wicked Queen). Tinkerbell has some of the best roles in Disney history. She'll always be remembered for introducing Disney onto televisions every Sunday night. She'll always be `the' embodiment of Barrie's [author of `Peter Pan'] pixie - because in any stage production of `Peter Pan,' Tink is only a flicker of light. And thousands of people wait to see her every night as the introduction to the Fantasy in the Sky Fireworks. (Those fireworks have always been my favorite part of the theme parks.) Tink is known for her courage, her nerve, her sparkle, and her unfailing devotion - and I have as much of those things as that little Pixie, both as part of my personality and because I am devoted to making Disney Dreams become reality." She has thoughts on .Rd as well... "I truly love the exchange, the chance to discuss and critique, the comraderie, the energy and creativity of everyone who posts to this newsgroup. Now that I'm on property, I'm getting the chance to meet quite a few of the faces behind the FDC and the rest of .Rd - and it's always a pleasure! I'm very flattered that people have given my posts the attention they receive - I'm only providing the pixie dust that I want people to have on a day-to-day basis, not only in their love for Disney, but in everything they do." Margaret also reminds people that they are always welcome to approach her with questions or a request for a "Dose of the Dust." Never Land is Second Start to the Right, and straight on 'til Morning, and this Pixie is planning on dusting .Rd and staying at the Castle for a long time!
Gary Friedman Gary.L.Friedman@jpl.nasa.gov
Gary Friedman has unofficially declared himself FDC Manager In Charge of the DL Carousel of Progress Restoration Project ("Sport, be quiet!" "Arf!!"). Since the age of 6 he has always wanted to be an Imagineer working on audio-animatronics, but, wouldn't you know it, ended up getting a much more satisfying job at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory doing the work that Mr. Johnson only pretended to do at Mission to Mars (AKA Flight to the Moon - which shows his age right there!). Gary is also a photographer, a musician, inventor, a Big Brother, and adventurer. Whenever he posts to .Rd , nobody ever seems to respond to the input or continue the thread. "[Garymay Gary appeared in the Guinness Book of World Records for having built a functioning, wearable shoe-phone in 1987 ("I was bored during college, OK?"). He is also the author of a book, two U.S. patents, a dozen journal articles, has written music to a children's play, done photojournalism work in the Latvian Soviet Republic, and plays a bamboo instrument called a Xaphoon, which looks like a recorder but sounds like a Saxophone. ("Great for backpacking in Nepal!") He has a list of favorite things to do at Disneyland (again, some of these might date him a little): - In the Haunted Mansion elevator, start to "say-along" with the narrator so loudly that by the end of the segment, the rest of the crowd is saying-along as well. - At Space Mountain exit, applaud loudly whenever you pass the NASA space photos. - Go to Snow White wishing well, and marvel at how much Snow sounds like Kate Bush. - Pick up phones in the "Discover the Weather Around the World" exhibit at the Circlevision 360 exit, click-dial to your friends [the Touch-Tone (r) blocking device is bypassed this way], and yell through the earpiece (the mouthpieces were removed to prevent just this sort of thing from happening.) - Exit the boat during Pirates, and help them burn down the city. - Sing along really loudly at "It's a Small World" so even the dolls look at you strangely. At end of ride, reflect solemnly, "Gosh, it's a small world!" - Go on Big Thunder Mountain, but not hang onto your hat or glasses. - Get up from your chair, and stoically announce that the world never had a good definition of the word, "Liberty." - Tell first-timers in boat that the people dining in Blue Bayou are really robots.

Can You Feel the Hype Tonight?

Sung to the tune of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" from _THE LION KING_, music by Elton John, lyrics by Tim Rice Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute this parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work.

Disney has only two things better than its vaunted Feature Animation department. The first is its marketing division, which has done an unbelievable job advertising and selling its products, particularly the new film, _The Lion King_. Too good, in fact. And to celebrate the hype created by Disney marketing, we present one of the hyped songs themselves, but with new packaging...

Can't you see what's happ'ning
With "Lion King" of late
The mar-ket-ing people have guar-an-teed
Our pocket-books they rape

The sweet caress of profits
'cause Simba's everywhere
And if you don't pur-chase-him for your kids
They'll cry, tear out your hair!

Can you feel the hype tonight?
Cre-at-ed for that flick
The Disney way, it's to-tal overkill
And really makes you sick

So many ways to push it
On tapes and sing-a-longs
And on the ra-di-o, there's Elton John -
He's ev'ry other song!

They think the tunes are catchy
"Hak-u-ta Ma-ta-ta"
It means, "no worries" - up un-til the day
The Oscars vote them, "blah!"

Can you feel the hype tonight?
Cre-at-ed for that flick
The Disney way, it's to-tal overkill
And really makes you sick

Can you feel the hype tonight?
You needn't look too fine
Disney claims this film's its greatest one
Hype will make it shine

And if you think it's bad to-day
You can rest assured
That when the vi-d-eo hits marketplace
Its hype will be absurd!

Can you feel the hype tonight?
Cre-at-ed for that flick
The Disney way, it's to-tal overkill
And really makes you sick

Ode to the Disney Legal Department

Sung to the tune of "Heigh Ho," from _SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS_, music by Frank Churchill, lyrics by Larry Morey. Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute the parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work.

The other thing better than Disney's Feature Animation department, of course, is their legal staff. This little ditty is dedicated to their ceaseless and tireless efforts in preserving one of America's greatest traditions. No, not the Disney Company itself, but rather something the Mouse likes to do...

They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue
in the courts the whole day through
To sue sue sue sue sue sue sue
is what the Disney lawyers do

And when they sue they can be cruel
Like when they sued that-lit-tle day care school!
Mickey Mouse!  Mickey Mouse!
Don't you paint him on that house!

Oh no!  Oh no!
It's off to court you go!
You're now too late!
They'll litigate!
Oh no!  Oh no, oh no!

Oh no!  Oh no!
There's no case high or low
For Disney's taste
It's you they'll waste
Oh no!  Oh no, oh no, oh no!

They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue,
'cause it's "trade-mark in-fringe-ment!"
They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue -
they never seem to quit
But when it's their turn, they won't show
That Kimba came thirty years a-go!
They are glad!  They are glad!
That Te-zu-ka is-n't mad!

Oh no!  Oh no!
The Disney lawyer show

Oh no, oh no, oh no!
Oh no, oh no!
Let's hope DIS' 'n' DAT won't go!

Oh no!  Oh no, oh no, oh no!  Oh no!

Top Ten Excuses To Be Used Had _The Lion King_ Flopped

Despite all the hype surrounding the release of _The Lion King_, it seems that there were people in the studio that didn't think that the animated feature would do all that well. If this happened, these people would have had to answer to Sparky to explain exactly why it didn't do well.

One of our Disney Inciters (Deep Yoo! Hoo!), has presented us a list of excuses that were to be used to explain away the movie had it flopped.

Without further ado, from the home office of "I'll Sue" City, DIS' 'n' DAT presents:

Top Ten Excuses To Be Used Had _The Lion King_ Flopped
Animating on "sevens" was not such a great idea.
George Lucas threatened to sue when he found out that the original voice cast also included Alec Guinness, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford.
Elton John kept on calling Tim Rice "Bernie."
How could anyone really expect to follow such a hit as _Thumbelina_?
Roger Ebert was upset that he didn't get a voice role.
Although the animation was effective, nobody really knew what a "wildebeest" really was.
Robin Williams was too busy promoting _Toys II_.
Unable to use working title of "Cats" due to objections by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Gilbert Gottfried's singing on _Return of Jafar_ in sound stage across lot was distracting the animators.
And the number one excuse to be used had _The Lion King_ flopped:
Whole company was seriously depressed that _Beauty and the Beast: A New Musical_ got only one crummy Tony award.

The Annotated Pirates of the Carribean

[Editor's Note: The following is a contribution from somebody who has not only taken the time to listen to the words accompanying the theme music to one of the most popular attractions in all the Disney theme parks, but has also figured out exactly what they mean.]
Yo ho, yo ho, A pirate's life for me.
Most people think they say, "A pizza knife for me." This should set the record straight.
We pillage, we plunder, We rifle and loot
They forgot rape.
Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho! We kidnap and ravage And don't give a hoot Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
Topic of drinking proves to be a recurring theme.
Yo ho, yo ho, A pirate's life for me.
Many thought they said, "The cheese and sauce are free." Now you know.
We extort, we pilfer, We filch and sack
They must have stolen a thesaurus, too.
Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho! Maraud and embezzle And even hijack Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
Boy, they sure say that a lot!
Yo ho, yo ho, A pirate's life for me.
Yes, we know. (I wonder how the "Nazis of Heidelberg" will be portrayed 100 years from now in Chad Disney?)
We kindle and char And inflame and ignite
They left out rape, rape, rape, drinking, and rape.
Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
Oh, they did mention drinking after all.
We burn up the city, We're really a fright Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
And really, what is an 'eartie, anyway?
We're rascals, scoundrels, Villains and knaves Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
This is pretty light treatment considering what true vermin they were.
We're devils amid black sheep, Really bad eggs Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
Obviously ran out of adjectives here. "[TimRice
Yo ho, yo ho, A pirate's life for me.
Most people think they're saying, "Bush knew about Iran/Contra all the time." Those clever pirates.
We're beggars and blighters And ne'er-do-well cads Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho!
And don't forget rapists!
Aye, but we're loved By our Mommies and Dads Drink up, me'earties. Yo ho! [repeat forever.]
A poor excuse for a rhyme. "[Butbetter

DIS' 'n' DAT is an on-line newsletter published monthly by Larry Gensch. Copyright (c) 1994 Larry Gensch, except where individual copyright is retained by the authors. All rights reserved. Anything may be reprinted in whole or in part with proper attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT. All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any similarity, without satiric intent, of characters presented therein to living persons, toons, alleged NHL teams, or Disney executives or lawyers is purely coincidental. So get a life, OK?


Contributions to DIS' 'n' DAT are ALWAYS welcome! People wishing to contribute should send email to the publication at the internet address "lar3ry@world.std.com." Please state explicitly if you wish to retain copyright or anonymity for any material submitted. The editor assumes no liability for unsolicited material of any kind.



                       EDITOR-IN-CHIEF / PUBLISHER
             lar3ry gensch <lar3ry@world.std.com>
                           CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
          Amberle Ferrian <amberle@epx.cis.umn.edu>
        Gary Friedman <Gary.L.Friedman@jpl.nasa.gov>
             Margaret Gerberi <recarts@gate.net>


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