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                    "All Disney news fitted to print"

Volume 2 Number  1                                      January 94 Edition

In this issue...

Disney Executive Theme Songs

Watching Disney in action from the outside is what we do here at DIS' 'n' DAT. However, watching the executives' movements sometimes can be rather boring. We have decided that we could liven things up by writing a couple of theme songs for two of the most notable executives. The first one takes it's music from the theme song of a 1950's Disney television show starring Guy Williams set in old Las Angeles...
Out from the night, when the full moon's in sight
Comes the masked man known as "Katzenburg."
Shorter than heck, through your scripts carves an "X",
The "X" from Mr. Katzenburg.

Katzenburg... the runt that's made of latex
Katzenburg... who makes the sign of the "X"

Since we were already thinking about old television shows, it was only natural to use another one for the head honcho himself. This theme song comes from another popular 1950's Disney series, this one starring Fess Parker...

Up from a-nother comp'ny's stu-di-o
Came a new and diff'rent C-E-O.
His moves are bold
And they turn to gold -
But why he hired Sparky we will never know.
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

Brought back animation to the stu-di-o
Just when ev'rybody thought that it would go.
Aladdin could command
Sales over 200 grand -
Which is what he got converting stock to dough!
Michael... Michael Eisner
The Genie in the Disney Frontier

Paris losing money now, and that's for sure.
In Japan the yen is rising and the crowds are poor.
And "park hopping" is a NO
When you're in Or-land-o...
Pretty soon they'll lose money, on a-l-l four
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

The movie operation now is pretty set,
In-creasing profits as well as their net.
Hocus Pocus was meek -
And showed where they're weak...
So, when will we see one without Bruce or Bette?
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

The Ducks were a hit on the silver screen
Now Michael's doing something that is seldom seen
Started a franchise
With untalented guys
Truth be told, on the ice, they are ra-ther green.
Michael... Michael Eisner
King of the Disney Frontier

Disney Studio's Top Ten New Years Resolutions

This is the time of year for entertaining New Years resolutions. From our correspondence, we note rather grimly that what seems to be the most popular resolution that WE are asked to make is to cease publication. But these usually come electronically from people at the domain legal.disney.com.

We were not too surprised, therefore, when one of our Disney Inciters (Deep Von Quack), handed us the Disney Studio's New Year's resolutions.

As a public service, we have decided to publish these resolutions in our own fashion (as a top ten list)...

Disney Studios' Top Ten New Years Resolutions
Cancel "Life With Mikey II" and "Hocus Pocus: The Return."
See if Emilio is available to coach Anaheim franchise.
Do research on new thriller attraction "Post Office," where guests attempt to escape hail of bullets from ex-workers.
Consider renewing lease on Cryogenic crypt.
Have lawyers squash Minnie and Daisy's Women's''s Rights thing.
Attempt to link Planet Hollywood opening at Disney/MGM with exclusive contracts with Arnold and Sly.
Cancel plans for singing Marcel Marceau audioanimatronic at Euro-Disney.
Release successor to Disney Animator Studio software: Create your own Hollywood Pictures Flop.
Have each guest at Disney World submit urine sample with each ticket purchase to ensure that no invalid transfer of tickets is made.
And the number one New Years resolution from the Disney Studios for 1994 is...
Sell partially completed H. Ross Perot audioanimatronic figure to Ripley's Believe it or Not museum.

An Interview With Pinocchio

[Editor's note: Due to a computer problem, parts 3, 4, and 5 of the Toon Town series have been lost. The first half of part 3 was published in the last issue with a promise that the rest will be available in this issue. Martin is currently in the process of rewriting parts four and five, which will be published in future issues as soon as they are available. The article you are about to read is a re-creation of the actual interview with Pinocchio based on Martin's notes.]

The scene is Tony's Restaurant in Little Italy in Toon Town. I, having been converted into a dwarf named Dopey, had a chance to interview one of Toon Town's most well-loved denizens, the little wooden star of Pinocchio.

As I entered the restaurant, I was greeted by the large and rotund Toon proprietor - the famous Tony, who had a memorable role in Lady and the Tramp. Tony leads me to a secluded table where Pinocchio is already seated. The little boy gets up and shakes my hand.

Hiya, Dopey! Welcome to the Italian neighborhood of Toon Town!
Hello, Pinocchio. When the dwarfs told me "Tony's," I had no idea it was THE Tony of the famous spaghetti scene in Lady and the Tramp!
Sure. In fact, when Mr. Disney had that movie in production, I told him this place would be perfect for that scene. Tony's also an incurable romantic... [giggles]
This place looks just wonderful. In fact, I noticed the autographed picture from that movie over on the other wall... I take it that the paw prints are from the two stars?
Yeah, in fact, that table underneath the picture is reserved for those two when they come here on Saturdays.
Let's talk about you, Pinocchio. I see that the years have been good to you.
PINOCCHIO [Blushing]
Well, we Toons don't age, really. And it's been over fifty years that I had that part. I was kind of lucky.
Your movie is unusual in that a number of your costars went on to do shorts.
Yeah, Jiminy had a couple of series, and Figaro and Cleo had a few shorts together. Figaro also appeared with Pluto a couple of times.
But you haven't been too busy yourself?
I've done a few things; the latest was a small part in Aladdin. I've actually been spending most of my time managing my investments. You realize that I own most of the property in this section of town, don't you?
Yes, Doc told me on the way coming here. I have to admit that this is probably one of the nicest looking parts of Toon Town. All the buildings look very nice and well-maintained.
Gee, thanks. I usually give most of the places here to out-of-work Toons rent-free.
But how do you make money doing that?
Shucks. Making money is not the point! It's just doing the right thing. You know, I've been lucky. I earned a lot of money making that movie, and this is my way of putting it back into the community, literally.
It sounds like a noble thing you are doing.
I learned an important lesson from Mr. Disney when I was a teenager. He wanted to build an amusement park that nobody had ever seen before, because it was something that he would personally enjoy. Everybody told him that he was crazy, but he persevered. Me, Jiminy, Doc, and Hook...
Hook? From Peter Pan?
Yeah. He's a rather shrewd person. Anyway, we privately told Mr. Disney that we supported him, and if there was anything we could do...
You mean to tell me that Toons helped to get Disneyland off the ground?
Of course! We helped mostly with ideas for some of the rides. Toons are pretty smart when it comes to having fun, you know.
I never knew this. So, what did Hook do?
PINOCCHIO [giggling]
He convinced Mr. Disney that villains needed to be represented, as well as heroes. I think he said, "Heroes are NOTHING, without a proper villain!" Mr. Disney was so moved by that that he eventually dedicated an entire ride to Mr. Hook, and called it Pirates of the Carribean.
I thought you were going to say Peter Pan's Magical Flight.
Hook is there, as a villain, of course. But Walt dedicated that other ride to him because it shows pirates in a more well-rounded setting. You know, Hook was not really a well-developed character in Peter Pan.
That seems to make sense, now that you put it that way...
If you don't mind, Dopey, I'd like to ask YOU a couple of things.
Me? Whatever for?
Well, I've always wanted to be a real boy...
Yes, I remember from your movie...
But even in the movie, I was only turned into a TOON boy!
I don't understand.
Well, they tell me that you used to be a human, right?
Yes. My human name is Martin.
Well, I was wondering if the Toon conversion process also works in reverse.
Um... it better. I don't want to remain a Toon forever!
Oh, no! The process they used on you is only temporary. I hear that it only lasts about a week.
Other people have done this?
Nope. So far, you are the first and only person to try it. In fact, I think that Imagineering was afraid that a person's brain would not survive such a transformation.
You mean, I could have died?
Well, I'm not sure on the specifics. I do know that they were looking for a guinea pig, so to speak. They were looking for someone... well...
I guess. Anyway, a bunch of guys from the Legal department suggested that they use the process on your editor.
My editor? So why am I here?
Your editor refused, but he insisted to them that you had volunteered...
Wait until I get my hands on that...
[Editor's note: The rest of this manuscript consists of character assassination and innuendo and was deemed not suitable for inclusion in this newsletter.]

Find the Hidden Mikey

In the first five issues of DIS' 'n' DAT last year, we had a mildly successful Hidden Mickey contest (three entries). To start off the new year properly, we are going to try again.

This time, instead of finding hidden "Mickeys," we are going to find hidden "Mikeys." The goal is to find images of Michael Eisner somewhere in the four theme parks: Disneyland, Walt Disney World, Tokyo Disneyland, and Euro-Disney.

The contest is open to everyone. People can enter as often as they wish and locate as many hidden Mikeys as possible. For each citation, please include the park containing the hidden Mikey, its location within the park, and any details on how the hidden Mikey can be seen (for instance, what do you need to be drinking to find it?).

Contest winners will be selected by an impartial judge (your humble editor), and winning entries will appear in a future issue of DIS' 'n' DAT. Entries will be judged on originality, neatness, cleverness, and phases of the moon. Entries should be sent electronically to lar3ry@world.std.com.

Contest void where prohibited by law.

DIS' 'n' DAT is published semi-regularly by Larry Gensch. Nothing may be reprinted in whoe or in part without attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT.

All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any semblance to real life is really, you know, coincidental.

People wishing to contribute to DIS' 'n' DAT should send email to the publication at the internet address below. Please state explicitly if you wish to retain copyright or anonymity for any material submitted.

DIS' 'n' DAT / January 94 Edition / lar3ry@world.std.com