DDDDD IIIII SSSS ''' ''' ''' DDDDD A TTTTT D D I S S ''' ''' n ''' D D A A T D D I S ' ' nnnnnn ' D D A A T D D I SSSS ' ' n n ' D D A A T D D I S n n D D AAAAAAA T D D I S S n n D D A A T DDDDD IIIII SSSS n n DDDDD A A T "All Disney news fitted to print" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Volume 1 Number 9 December 93 Edition --------------------------------------------------------------------------
In this issue...
Special "Best of DIS' 'n' DAT Section"
I have had weird assignments in the past; being a reporter for DIS' 'n' DAT
tends to make the weird ones almost normal.
For my current assignment, I have been turned into a Toon Dwarf named Dopey
and have been instructed to interview some of the denizens of Toon Town.
Since Dopey is mute, I have found that I can sort of "project" my
thoughts to other toons and be understood.
In the last two installments, I had a wonderful interview with Ariel, and
spent a lovely evening with Belle and Gaston before retiring to my hotel room
at the Toon Town Hill Ton.
No sooner did my head hit the pillow than the bed seemed to caress me.
One of the benefits of living with Toons, I thought to myself as I gently
drifted off to sleep.
I've heard that most humans dream in black and white, with an occasional color
dream interspersed.
I do know from experience that most dreams, although vivid, are forgotten soon
after we awaken.
The dreams I had that night were all in technicolor, and unforgettable.
Almost immediately after closing my eyes, I heard the sounds of some goofy
theme song.
A bright dot appeared out of nowhere, and quickly grew in size until it
occupied my entire eyesight.
I noticed that the dot was some sort of a logo - a title card, as it were
- that proudly announced the title ("A Dream").
The music got more frenetic as the credits were presented:
I smiled inwardly as I recognized my character's name.
On the bottom of the credits, it announced that it was "A Maroon Cartoon,"
and the credits disappeared.
The scene faded to a humble, quiet house, with myself relaxing comfortably in
a reclining chair reading the latest DIS' 'n' DAT.
I was jarred from my reverie by my three nephews, Henny, Denny, and Lenny, who
barged into the room with cap guns, cowboy hats, and a pet dog named Plato.
These fellows raised quite a ruckus that started with the total destruction of
the house, followed within five minutes by the total nuclear
annihilation of the entire planet.
As the planet was reduced to rubble shooting in all directions, the scene
faded, followed by the fading out of the theme song.
I knew I got a sudden chill at my own dreamed demise, and was startled when
the theme song started up again, and another title came into focus announcing
"The Second Dream."
There I was, back in my reclining chair.
This time, instead of three nephews, I had two chipmunk antagonists, Chris and
Dave.
I somehow managed to irritate those two chipmunks for some reason or other
which was never really quite made clear to me, and within five minutes, my
house had been completely destroyed (again), followed by the destruction of
the planet (again).
These dreams went on and on all night; about ten every hour.
The plot lines were mostly the same, with minor variations in the characters.
Louie, the French Chef, made a guest appearance as he tried to help me skewer
Chris and Dave; Benny the Cab attempted to take my nephews and I to a park,
all with disastrous results.
I was awakened from this monotony by the most horrendous sound that I had ever
heard.
Just before opening my eyes, however, I thought that I noticed a writer for
Disney in the background taking notes.
The noise belonged to an alarm clock, which didn't ring any bell or play any
tunes from the radio.
Instead, it emitted an ear-piercing siren that drove me out of my bed, out of
my pajamas, and into the shower.
Like it or not, I was going to be made ready for yet another day in Toon Town.
In the shower, I reached for the knob to turn on the water.
I was greeted with a loud "W - H - O - O - O - A - A - H" from the nozzle
overhead.
I looked up in surprise.
"Hey, there!
You sure did give me a turn!"
I recognized the line.
Didn't you play a doorknob in Alice -
"Yeah!" explained the spout.
"They have me play all sorts of inanimate objects."
He looked a bit dejected.
"Not many parts for inanimate objects in Pocahontas or Lion King, though."
Well, um, could I have some water?
"Oh, sure!"
He brightened up and let loose a spray of cool but invigorating Toon water.
I lost myself in reverie as I showered and started to anticipate what the day
had in store for me.
I looked up as the spray of water ended ("Even in Toon Town we need to
conserve water!"), pulled out my Toon box and pulled out a sash.
I pulled on the sash and I rolled up like a window shade.
The water squeezed out as the shade flapped and flapped.
I reached out, pulled the sash again and was back to `normal' (if being a Toon
could ever be thought of as being normal) as well as dry.
I just realized that I was starting to think like a Toon!
What would be next?
Doc's voice startled me from my thoughts.
"Ah, Dopey!
I see you are all ready for a new day's adventures,"
he giggled.
Yeah.
What's the agenda today?
"I thought we'd go to Little Italy and meet a few of the residents
there."
Little Italy?
Who would we meet there?
"Well, we could start out with a little wooden boy..."
I brightened up.
Pinocchio!
One of my favorite movies!
"You can always tell a first-timer here.
Always star struck!"
Up until now I hadn't notice Grumpy's presence.
He was standing behind Doc next to Happy with his arms folded in front of him
and tapping his left foot impatiently.
I thought to myself that this was the classic Grumpy pose.
I regretted not being able to take any pictures.
"Well," asked Grumpy, "are we going to stay here all morning?"
"All right, Grumpy," answered Doc.
"C'mon Dopey.
Let's get hopping!"
He turned and started heading outside the hotel room towards he elevator.
Um, couldn't we use the stairs?
I asked, remembering the unforgettable ride up on the elevator.
"Oh, Dopey.
Don't be such a coward!"
growled Grumpy.
Just at that moment, the elevator door opened.
Grumpy's outburst had annoyed me to the point that I stepped into the
elevator, not noticing Happy and Doc's cries for me to stop.
As I stepped inside, I could have sworn that I saw Grumpy grin.
I stood inside the elevator, and noticed for the first time the looks of
dismay on Doc and Happy.
Grumpy simply pointed down.
I looked.
The elevator shaft was empty!
I started to plummet down the shaft, not even able to generate a decent Toon
scream.
Somehow, I landed on the bottom floor, right next to Droopy, who was standing
on some milk cartons with the elevator control in his hand.
"Watch out for that first step..." he drawled.
I stepped out, hastily, and emerged in the lobby.
At that moment, the three other dwarfs came in from the stairwell, the two
admonishing Grumpy.
"You KNOW that he's not used to being a Toon yet," complained Doc.
"I'm not gonna be his babysitter!"
he growled in response, and then stormed off.
We walked out of the lobby and onto the sidewalk.
I heard a faintly recognizable jazz theme and turned in the direction of the
music.
To my surprise, a pink feline was strolling nonchalantly down the sidewalk
away from me.
The Pink Panther! I thought excitedly.
"C'mon, Dopey.
You're going in the wrong direction!"
Happy gestured with his thumb in the opposite direction.
At that exact moment, I heard the screech of tires and Benny's Brooklyn accent
"Where to, Mac?"
The car turned to me and said "Oh, hi again, Dopey."
Here at DIS' 'n' DAT, we have gotten an advance copy of the financial report for
Euro-Disney and have decided to put it to music.
We think it would be most appropriate if it were sung by an orange Jamaican
crab...
At DIS' 'n' DAT, we were curious about what animated features would be
released after these two.
Apart from some gossip, which we love to repeat anyway, WDC has been
silent.
Sequel mania seems to be hitting all over Disney, with a sequel to
"Fantasia," a prequel to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?", and something
called "Silly Hillbillies" that seems to us like "Spaced Invaders
Meet Jed Clampbett."
We decided to do some rummaging through our information sources, and a
Disney inciter, Deep Ears, has come through.
Yes, we are told, Disney has its sights set on sequels, but the most
interesting of them brings together two relatively recent Disney
classics: "The Aristocats Meet 101 Dalmations."
The plot, we are told, is that Roger, Pongo's "pet" in the original
101D, moves his Dalmation Plantation to France (a plug for Euro-Disney
is sure to be inserted), where they meet the cast from The Aristocats.
This is an apparently an attempt to cash in on the current success of
action pictures like "Lethal Weapon," "Rambo," etc. because all of
the storyboards show fur flying and characters being thrown all
around.
To our taste, this seems more like Disney's attempt to capture the
classic Warner Brother's style from the 40's and 50's.
What other projects can we expect?
"The Little Mermaid" will have her own sequel, where Ariel and Eric
become activists and start an organization that pickets seafood
markets, restaurants, Sea World [apparently a snipe at Disney's
competition in the Theme Park business], and other places where sea
creatures are killed or shamelessly exploited.
The counter movement is called "Les Poissons", and are spear-headed
by Chef Louie from the original TLM movie.
Although we have not yet seen the storyboards for this one, we
understand that references will be made to such current events
involving abortion rights/pro-life groups and AIDS activism.
Ariel and Eric (accompanied by Sebastian and Flounder) evolve
from peaceful demonstration to blowing up entire theme parks.
The climax, we are told, will feature Monstro the Whale from
"Pinocchio."
"Aladdin" will have its own sequel that features less of the main
characters from the original movie and focuses on the Genie and Abu
(the monkey).
Robin Williams, who played the voice of the supreme sorceror in the
original film, could not be reached for comment, as he was working on
the promotional materials for the forthcoming video release of
"Toys."
We were told that this particular project is still a bit "iffy."
I am sorry to disappoint "Beauty and the Beast" fans, but there is
no plan as yet to give Belle and the as-yet unnamed Prince any sequel.
This may change if the current plans for BATB on Broadway gets better
than expected reception.
Disney Afternoon viewers may want to watch for a return of Hewie,
Dewie, and Louie in a new series called "The Mighty Ducks - The
Animated Series," to be sponsored locally in the greater Los Angeles
area by the Anaheim NHL expansion franchise.
The following test can determine if your are a true Disney-phile.
This is a trivia exam that any real Disney fanatic could answer
without having to hunt in a bunch of books.
To qualify as a true Disney-phile, you need to know all the answers to
the following questions.
The answers are not provided.
A true Disney fanatic would know if his/her answers are correct, just
like asking any kid which side of a two-way street the car travels on
(Shut up, you Ozzies!).
In the mid-1930's, Walt Disney had a vision.
He and his animation staff created the first successful animated
feature with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
At approximately the same time, another genius had a different vision.
He created the first USENET newsletter devoted to poking fun at the
Disney organization.
It presented its first issue electronically on January 1, 1938; a
landmark achievement because the newsletter preceded USENET by forty
years or so.
Even though an audience has been lacking for most of its lifetime,
this genius persevered, at times risking the wrath of the Disney
organization.
The editor was sure that they were listening; he personally emailed
copies of the newsletter to wed@disney.com, but it seemed to be studio
policy to simply ignore DIS' 'n' DAT's existence.
In the late forties, it was DIS' 'n' DAT that brought up the fact that Disney
had not really created any full-length animated features since Bambi,
most "features" released being compilations of shorter subjects.
The studio quickly brought out Cinderella in 1950.
During the fifties, DIS' 'n' DAT was snubbed and not given press passes to
the opening of Disneyland.
We attended anyway, and our suggestion in our opening day special
issue ("Really neat, but it needs a Matterhorn Mountain") was
actually taken to heart by Disney.
In the late fifties, the editor thought that the Sherman brothers
songwriting team, famous for the pop standard "You're Sixteen,"
would be great for scoring Disney features.
Disney shortly picked them up for "Mary Poppins" and many other
films.
We mourned the passing of Walt Disney in 1966, but had pressed the
company to continue Walt's work down in Florida, which became the very
successful Walt Disney World (DIS' 'n' DAT was also denied press passes to
opening day ceremonies).
In the late seventies, we lamented the long delays between releases of
new animated features, and in the early 80's we suggested that they
hire a new CEO, with the qualifications of a man like Michael Eisner.
They did, and the Disney organization is thriving under his
leadership, opening new Disney parks in Tokyo and France (and again,
never once saying thank you by giving press passes to DIS' 'n' DAT).
We persevered, and we made mention of a couple of promising composers
on Broadway named Howard Ashman and Alan Menken.
Afterwards, they were picked by the Disney organization to write the
songs and score for Academy Award winning The Little Mermaid and
Beauty and the Beast.
The animation department is also ramping up to provide one or more
animated features to be released every year.
Note that in April 1993, due to a bug in the issue numbering software,
the counters all reset to one.
At that time, the DIS' 'n' DAT newsletter found a permanent home in
rec.arts.disney, and the newsletter continues to live up to its
credo...
"All Disney news fitted to print."
And, we know that somewhere, somehow, someone at the Disney
organization is keeping a close eye on it...
All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in
DIS' 'n' DAT are fictional, and any semblance to real
life is really, you know, coincidental.
People wishing to contribute to DIS' 'n' DAT should send
email to the publication at the internet address below. Please state
explicitly if you wish to retain copyright or anonymity for any
material submitted.
A Reporter in Toon Town
[Editor's note:
The following is the third in a monthly series of articles by Martin
Delaney, one of DIS' 'n' DAT's ace reporters.
Due to a number of unrelated computer hardware problems, the entire
third chapter is not currently available.
We present here the first half of the third chapter of our story.
My deepest apologies to all if this article appears to end quite abruptly.]
Starring Dopey
Produced by Dopey
Directed by Dopey
[TO BE CONTINUED...]
Top Ten Theme Park Ideas Rejected by Disney
With all the hooplah surrounding the new Virginia theme park and its America
theme, we have contacted one of our Disney Inciters (Deep Whiskers), and found
out that the America theme was not the only idea considered for the
attraction.
A number of other ideas were tossed about and rejected for various reasons.
In our quest for making these kinds of things public, we now present...
The Euro-Disney Financial Presentation
There have been a lot of news stories stating, speculating, and expostulating
about the financial condition of the European theme park operations.
In all the news stories, Disney doesn't have too many comments except to state
that they are expecting an eventual turn-around.
The theme park is always crowded
In somebody else's place.
You think about going out there
But that is a big mistake.
Just look at our park around you,
Right here in la belle Francais --
There's surely no crowds around here,
But that's now how the newsmen say.
Under da floor! Under da floor!
Madam, there's plenty
Here where it's empty.
There's space here galore!
In Florida, dey have the crowds,
In Anaheim, Fantasmic's too loud!
While here it is quiet
But no one will buy it
It's under da floor!
In Paris all the guests is happy,
As they ride all the rides five times.
The guests in U.S. ain't happy,
Spending all their time on lines!
But guests in the states is lucky,
They in for a worser fate --
There's terror and fear and danger
Getting shot on the Interstate!
Under da floor! Under da floor!
Nobody shoot us, rape us, or loot us
To make a score.
We here in France are more refined
It's just our prices robbing you blind.
We got no troubles,
Drinking our bubbles
Under da floor!
Under da floor! Under da floor!
Since life is slow here
No guests ever show here
At least any more.
Even the morbid and the sick
They all get bored and leave real quick.
Spending a pittance
Pushing attendance
Under da floor!
The Brits call it quits
The Yanks say "No thanks!"
The French say "It's stench!"
And spending no francs.
Snow White says "Not Right!"
And Belle says "It's hell!"
Judge Doom is the voice of gloom.
The Goof says "Show proof!"
The mouse empties house
The Duck says "We're f*cked!"
As profits they douse
The young and the old
They say "It's too cold!"
And Oh! those crowds don't show.
Under da floor! Under da floor!
Madam, there's plenty
Here where it's empty
There's space here galore!
In Florida, dey have the crowds,
In Anaheim, Fantasmic's too loud!
While here it is quiet
But no one will buy it
It's under da floor!
Under da floor! Under da floor!
There is no singing
Or registers ringing
Here anymore.
What do we got? A lot of drunks?
Standard and Poore's dropped us two rungs.
Each brand new day, here
That's what they say, here --
We're under da floor!
We start to dread, here
Going to bed, here
Under da floor!
Every news story
Cutting our glory
We're spending money
But it's just not funny
We're out of luck, here
That's why we're stuck, here
Under da floor!
Future Animated Flix From Disney
The Walt Disney Company has announced, and is working on, two new
animated features, "The Lion King" and "Pocahontas" to be released
in 1994.
These movies have been discussed at length in other media and it makes
no sense to rehash any tidbits about them.
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Are you a true Disney-phile?
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(If your name is R. Cook, I know that answer already.)
A Prehistory of DIS' 'n' DAT
[Editor's note: There seem to be a lot of people who read DIS' 'n' DAT and
want to know a) where it came from, b) what it is, and mostly c) why
is it here.
We actually have a proud and colorful history, and for the first time
in print, we are revealing it to the world...]
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DIS' 'n' DAT is published semi-regularly by Larry Gensch.
Nothing may be reprinted in whoe or in part without attribution to
DIS' 'n' DAT.